We’ve got a plan, as well as three backup plans in case things go south again.

We’re looking forward to a terrific summer at Camp Mite-Nott-Happn! We’ve organized a full roster of activities. And because we’re not sure what will happen with vaccines and variants, we’ve got three backup plans for each plan — only one of which involves holding your deposit until summer 2024 if things go south again.

Below is the list of themed weeks for whether things are completely back to normal, pretty close to normal (with some precautions), or we have to run the place like a barracks so they don’t shut us down ten minutes before we start like last year.


The time is always ripe for avocados.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

I look perfect, firm, and strong, but once you take me home, you’ll find out just how rotten I am. You probably won’t want to bother going all the way back to the market to start looking again, so you’ll hang on to me longer than you should. When friends say you’re trying too hard, you’ll point out that I have good and bad parts, like everyone else. But in the end, you’ll realize I wasn’t worth it. And I’ll feel angry that you tried to use me.

You’ll notice that my exterior is particularly hard, but you’ll keep telling…


(Rain Or Shine)

Image by author.

1. The people who said schools were teaching kids to be radical, wanted them back in class real fast.

2. Schools were holding seminars on how to cut down on kids’ screen time — via Zoom

3. Folks saw something disturbing on the news and asked why the media wasn’t covering it

4. The president told suburban women that they wouldn’t be bothered by people living in subsidized housing, while he was living in subsidized housing.

5. The same people who believed coronavirus was exaggerated also proclaimed they probably already survived it because they were coughing in November 2019.

6…


Why would anyone be embarrassed to be scared while those around them are dying? Why are we turned against honest emotion?

Don’t catch feelings.

Be the “chill girl.”

No regrets.

The fear might be more dangerous than the disease…

As of this year, people are considered “fearmongers” if they talk honestly about a pandemic in which 40,000 people have died in fewer than two months.

I’ve got an idea.

Let’s be strong and admit that it’s ok to be scared of a once-in-a-century virus that sometimes appears to kill quickly and indiscriminately.

People have searched for reasons to believe it won’t affect them — to believe their fairy tale that it will only touch certain people. “Oh, it’s only people with…


Resolve to heed these in 2020

Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

I’ve made a lot of resolutions and broken them, so why bother? For this year, here are resolutions for all the rest of you.

1. If you start a sentence with “I don’t know how to tell you this” or “I don’t know how to say this,” you’ll end there, both for reasons of morality and accuracy.

2. You will not buzz me into your apartment for half a second so that I end up bouncing off the second door and having to go back and re-buzz. …


Yet, men on the internet are still finding ways to blame the (murdered) victims

Photo by Zack Minor (@zackography) on Unsplash.

New Year’s Eve to New Year’s Day may just be the deadliest 24 hours for domestic violence. From 5 p.m. New Year’s Eve in 2017 to 5 p.m. New Year’s Day in 2018, 10 women across the U.S. — different ages, socioeconomic groups, and ethnicities — were killed by a past or present partner. For comparison’s sake, on an average day, two or three women are killed by intimate partners.

If it happens again this year, will one of the 10 victims be someone you know, or will one of the perpetrators be someone in your family who you worry…


How can we bring ‘holiday orphans’ together without it doing more harm than good?

Photo: Gillian Henry/Getty Images

I see them every year, without exception, starting around Thanksgiving — three or four (never fewer) Facebook posts from friends and acquaintances who are disappointed they’ll be alone for the holidays. They don’t want to impose on their friends (they say it’s demoralizing to feel “like a charity case”), yet they’re frustrated that they have to remind relatives (if they have them) to reach out. These self-described “holiday orphans” are isolated for various reasons. In some cases, alienation or complex relationships divided their families, but in others, relatives simply didn’t bother to ask if the person had somewhere to go.


How to know where to go trick-or-treating this year

Photo by Beth Teutschmann on Unsplash

12 Morton Lane: Gives out BBBats which “s-s-suck,” and “no one eats them even when fr-fr-free.” The skeleton hanging on the door is “fitting,” because “once you see what they’re giving out you’ll stay skinny forever.” The two BMW’s in the driveway are “misleading.”

173 Medford Road: Old couple gives out bags of cashews and shelled peanuts “because no one had food allergies when they were growing up” and “it’s probably a hoax” and “today’s kids ought to ‘toughen up.’ ” However, both husband and wife “lack a medical degree.”

88 Charles St.: This house “gives out Mary Janes,” prompting…


You can do it without having a lot of tech knowledge, or exposing your deepest secrets

Make money with your words now! Ask me how! Image by the author.

By now it’s no secret that one of the most popular essay topics on Medium is, “How to Make Money on Medium.” While some of these pieces give helpful advice, others provide examples you can’t employ unless you’re a tech whiz writing about how to use your iPhone for space travel — or you’re willing to tell your deepest, darkest secrets.

As a writer who wants to reach as many readers as I can, and who finds it validating to earn money when I do, I understand the reason for reading the “How to Make Money” stories. In fact, when…

Caren Lissner

Author of nerdy novel CARRIE PILBY (film version‘s on Netflix). Finishing up offbeat memoir. Love dogs & puns. Read more: http://carenlissner.com.

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