The survey will take no more than 20 minutes you don’t have. — Will you please answer a brief 55-question survey about the service you just received, for no compensation? Your answers will help our already well-funded operation make even more money while we for some reason continue to not pay you. The survey will take no more than 20 minutes you don’t…

Before I saw the new eight-hour Beatles documentary “Get Back,” I was sure that Yoko Ono, or possibly Linda McCartney, or maybe Ringo Starr was responsible for the Beatles’ breakup. Now that I’ve seen every minute of the film, I realized my assumptions were wrong. I now know the truth…

We’ve got a plan, as well as three backup plans in case things go south again. — We’re looking forward to a terrific summer at Camp Mite-Nott-Happn! We’ve organized a full roster of activities. …

The time is always ripe for avocados. — 3 miles away: “Good-Looking” I look perfect, firm, and strong, but once you take me home, you’ll find out just how rotten I am. You probably won’t want to bother going all the way back to the market to start looking again, so you’ll hang on to me longer than you should. When friends…

(Rain Or Shine) 1. The people who said schools were teaching kids to be radical, wanted them back in class real fast. 2. Schools were holding seminars on how to cut down on kids’ screen time — via Zoom 3. Folks saw something disturbing on the news and asked why the media wasn’t…

Why would anyone be embarrassed to be scared while those around them are dying? Why are we turned against honest emotion? — Don’t catch feelings. Be the “chill girl.” No regrets. The fear might be more dangerous than the disease… As of this year, people are considered “fearmongers” if they talk honestly about a pandemic in which 40,000 people have died in fewer than two months. I’ve got an idea. Let’s be…

Resolve to heed these in 2020 — I’ve made a lot of resolutions and broken them, so why bother? For this year, here are resolutions for all the rest of you. 1. If you start a sentence with “I don’t know how to tell you this” or “I don’t know how to say this,” you’ll end there…

Yet, men on the internet are still finding ways to blame the (murdered) victims — New Year’s Eve to New Year’s Day may just be the deadliest 24 hours for domestic violence. From 5 p.m. New Year’s Eve in 2017 to 5 p.m. New Year’s Day in 2018, 10 women across the U.S. — different ages, socioeconomic groups, and ethnicities — were killed by a…

May return some day —